But what about poor A-Rod?

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Sarah Palin, continuing her dogged attempt to stretch her fifteen minutes of fame into 2012, last week expressed outrage at a joke made by David Letterman. Letterman had unleashed a quip implying that, during a Yankees game attended by members of the Palin family, Palin's daughter had been impregnated by New York third-sacker Alex Rodriguez.

In my opinion, the biggest problem with that joke, surpassing any offense to the Palin family, is that it's just not funny. In an apology by Letterman on Monday night, he called the joke "coarse," which I would characterize as an understatement. I think it was an honest mistake on Letterman's part to assume the daughter attending the game was famed unwed Palin mom, Bristol. (Poor Bristol. All she got at home was "abstinence only," so she and Levi didn't know they needed to roll on Mr. Trojan EVERY TIME.) Even if it had been Bristol at the game, the joke still wouldn't have been funny, but it at least might have had some relevance. In fact it was a different weirdly-named Palin daughter who was at the game, and she happened to be 14 years old. That effectively turned Letterman's jibe into a joke about statutory rape, and that's never funny.

In response to the apology, Palin said, "Letterman certainly has the right to 'joke' about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction. And this is all thanks to our U.S. military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America's right to free speech."

Good job, Governor. It should have been a simple "apology accepted," but you were able to turn it into a morsel of patriotic red meat national defense rhetoric for the right-wing. Keep that up for three more years, and they might actually remember who you are in 2012 after all.

The person I feel sorry for most in this fiasco has been the one most ignored: A-Rod. Granted, he's not exactly the poster boy for marital fidelity, but he's done nothing I am aware of to warrant being painted as a connoisseur of jailbait.

Hey, Dave! How 'bout some love (and an apology) for A-Rod?

Giving new meaning to "rudderless"

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The Republican Party is in serious trouble, therefore we are ALL in serious trouble.

I gave very serious consideration to voting for John McCain in '08 (compared to having given no serious consideration AT ALL to George W. Bush in '00 and '04). I did this mainly on the grounds that I thought a heavily Democratic congress needed the counterbalance of a Republican in the White House. But as the campaign wore on, the economy continued to worsen, due in large part to policies authored by Republicans like former McCain economic advisor Phil Gramm.

In the supposed masterstroke of the McCain campaign, a dingbat former beauty queen was chosen as running mate. And as election day neared, I could not escape the perception that Obama was young and agile, and McCain was old, inflexible and ineffective. After all that, I just couldn't bring myself to pull the elephant lever.

But I stand by my initial logic. Everybody knows the Democrats will destroy the country if left unchecked. Just like the Republicans did from '01 thru '06.

So I'm pullin' for the Republicans. I really am. But it's not looking good.

This is brought home by a Gallup poll released last week that showed that 47% of Republicans could not name anyone they perceive as "speaking for their party." Think of that. The winning candidate among the minority party is "none of the above."

John Dickerson of Slate.com points out that it's perfectly normal for a party to find itself with no clear leader after being shellacked at the polls as the GOP has been in '06 and '08. Just look at the Democrats in '94.

But the problem for the GOP goes deeper than a mere leadership vacuum. The top four people GOP faithful named as "speaking for us" ranked in inverse order to any sense of reason or logic. In a virtual tie for number one was crackpot, bomb-throwing radio entertainer Rush Limbaugh and occasionally ethically-challenged blowhard Newt Gingrich with 10% each. Both are better suited and better paid to speak into media microphones than in the well of the Senate, so their claim to party leadership rings hollow.

Next up with 9% is the smirking, fear-spreading, warmongering, shooting-friends-in-the-face-ing Prince of Darkness himself, Dick Cheney. One of the least-loved figures in a disgraced administration, Cheney inexplicably keeps finding microphones in his face. One wonders how many Republicans really perceive him as a leader and how many "just saw him on the television last night." Ranking even below Cheney is John McCain (6%). He is a welcome voice of reason in the Senate, but if his showing in the '08 campaign is any indication, his party leadership chops need a lot of work.

"Other" and "Nobody" combined for a total of 31% of Republican respondents, which beats the top 3 combined. Factor in "No Opinion" (29%) and you have a filibuster-proof majority.

Names that surfaced in the poll which actually make some vague sense as party leaders were former Governor Mitt Romney, Representative John Boehner, and the guy who theoretically IS the leader of the GOP, party chairman Michael Steele. Steele and Romney each got 2%, and Boehner got an asterisk, which denotes "less than 0.5%." By the way, this puts Boehner in a tie with George W. Bush in the poll. Make of that what you will.

Especially now that one party has a death grip on the reigns of power, we as Americans NEED a viable opposition party to foster debate and critical thought on the vital initiatives before us today. But sadly, right now the Republicans probably would be hard-pressed to muster the votes to get anchovies removed from the congressional pizza order. And this poll seems to indicate the self-identifying members of the party are, at least for now, selecting as leaders those who will only take them further down the path of destruction.

Battle of the Lightweights

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Let me put one thing out right in front. I could not care less about beauty pageants. I was briefly interested earlier this year when a student at the local University of Indianapolis, who by all accounts is a fine young lady, was named Miss America, but I moved on to other things pretty quickly.

In spite of my professed apathy, I could not help but be fascinated, in a gory-car-wreck sort of way, by the controversy surrounding Miss California USA and Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean. What's strangely fascinating about this is how it caused a number of political and social lightweights to flex their meager head-shake and chuckle inducing muscle.

In one phase of the Miss USA pageant, Prejean was asked about same-sex marriage by "celebrity blogger" (now there's a job description we didn't need) and lightweight #1 in this saga, Perez Hilton.

Let me say now I could have happily gone to my grave having never heard of Perez Hilton.

Hilton, who is gay, loudly blogged about Prejean's opposition to same-sex marriage rights. I tend to disagree with Prejean, but she has every right to her views. But shrill denunciation like Hilton's only drives me to be more supportive of her right to expression.

Lightweight #2 is Prejean herself. (Sorry to pile this on after your runner-up finish in Miss USA, Carrie, but your not even the #1 lightweight in your own story.) Prejean, could have just ignored Hilton, but instead went out of her way to stake out for herself an acre of moral high ground on the gay marriage issue. That all but assured that anything risque or embarrassing in her past would almost certainly come to light, which brings us to . . .

Lightweight #3: Nik Ritchie. He is the proprietor of the aptly named blog thedirty.com. Ritchie's forte seems to be publishing amateurish photos of scantily-clad women and then engaging readers in deep, philosophical gender-related questions along the lines of, "Ya think those are real?" and "Would you do'er?" Nik did us the "public service" of publishing at least two topless photos from a fashion shoot done when Prejean was 17 years old. I checked them out. She's hot. There's a teasing glimpse of the side of a breast, but this is nowhere near porn.

Ritchie recently tried to boost his journalistic cred by openly defying a cease and desist order demanding he remove Prejean's photos from his site. Sorry, Nik, but these aren't the Pentagon Papers. You're still a lightweight.

I was so fascinated by this story that I forgot to check last Monday if Prejean had actually lost her crown over the photos. The final authority on the matter was Donald Trump, and the Donald has decreed Prejean shall not lose her crown, which I think is probably as it should be. On one hand, if she had ever looked down the business end of a Nikon with no bra on, and she clearly has, she was lying by not disclosing this to pageant officials as contractually required. On the other hand, the photos are pretty tame in my view, with no fully-visible "naughty parts" and a cutesy "girl next door" pose and expression.

The Donald is no lightweight. In fact, there's more gravitas in his ample toupee than in the total combined body mass of the other three people mentioned thus far. And I believe he was smart not to dethrone Prejean and thereby grant her instant martyr status among right wing conservatives. Quite simply, the story goes away faster if she stays right where she is, and the last thing we need right now is a junior Ann Coulter.

Sarah Palin briefly vied for the spot of Lightweight #4 by pouring her derision on "the liberal onslaught of malicious attacks" against Prejean for her views. She went on to congratulate the Donald for letting Prejean stay on as Miss California USA and for standing up for her first amendment rights. Palin and the rest of the far right must learn to accept that mere disagreement with their platform does not constitute an "onslaught." Palin also failed to cite any actual abridgment of Prejean's constitutional rights. The First amendment guarantees free speech. It does not guarantee the right to be heard, agreed with, or liked.

No, Sarah, I've award the Lightweight #4 slot to Shanna Moakler, co-director of Miss California USA, who resigned in protest of Prejean keeping her crown. Moakler wisely seems to have stayed clear of the semi-nude photo debate. She is a former Miss USA and went on to be a Playboy centerfold, which I guarantee you was a lot more than "semi-nude." Moakler aspires to make a bold statement on gay marriage rights by walking away from the pageant which allows a person holding contrary views on the subject to keep her crown.

I feel certain this "statement" was already drowned out by the several states which have recently legalized same-sex marriage to one extent or another. I presume Moakler will now return to her sizzling acting career, which numbers 20 movie and TV guest roles in the last 13 years. Good Luck, sweetheart.

Night classes in failure

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bo•nus |ˈbōnəs|

noun

• a payment or gift added to what is usual or expected

____________________________________________________

Where can I sign up for some night classes in failure? There seems to be big money in it these days. Maybe I've been on the wrong career path all this time.

As a skill, failure is versatile. It's not just a career choice. It's a way of life and can be adapted to almost any profession.

The New York Times reported on January 29 in this story that 18.4 billion in bonuses had been paid out to employees of financial services businesses based in New York. This estimate is based on income tax collections, and comes from the New York State comptroller, who has the decidedly Soprano's-esque name of Thomas DiNapoli.

18.4 Billion.

With a "B."

That's enough to bail out General Motors AND Chrysler (at least it was the first time they came groveling).

Heck, if you could get someone to kick in another 4 billion (pocket change, if you think about it), that would be enough to build a new football stadium equivalent to Indianapolis' newly opened Lucas Oil Stadium for all the other 31 NFL cities.

And these bonuses were paid out to workers and executives in an industry that, by about every imaginable measure, has exhibited failures of galactic proportions in FY '08. (I wouldn't blame bank shareholders for thinking that "FY" stood for something completely different these days.)

I can imagine that maybe some of these people did carry out their jobs in a sharp and industrious manner that kept their institutions floating in the toilet bowl instead of being flushed all the way to the sewer. By the same token, a twenty-win season is a great thing for a Major League pitcher, but if his team loses 100 games, no bonus.

. . . With a "B" . . .

On a more local failure front, former Indiana University Basketball head coach Kelvin Sampson has again managed poke his head above the waters of newsworthiness by appealing the sanctions levied against him by the NCAA. As you may recall, Sampson parted company with IU after what appeared to be an additional two years of recruiting violations on top of violations during his tenure at the University of Oklahoma for which he was already on probation. One could rightly argue he should have walked away from IU with nothing more than a referral to a proctologist specializing in boot removal.

But no. He walked away with a cool $750,000.

That's three quarters of a million.

That's more money than many Hoosier fans who work hard and play by the rules will make take home in their entire LIVES.

Oh, and he also got kicked up to the pros. He's now an assistant coach for the Milwaukee Bucks, a ball club which, by the way, has exhibited in recent years a more than passing familiarity with failure.

With failure becoming not just a trend, but a career opportunity, I am making the following template available to business writers (and possibly also sports writers) to save time as they report our current continually-unfolding financial crisis:

____________________________________________________

(name of executive) resigned today from (his/her) post at (company name). (last name of executive) presided over record losses at the provider of (name of widget or service) during his (number of years of "service") years in the office of (alphabet soup job title).

In appreciation for leaving the company in mere shambles instead of total bankruptcy, for urinating on the executive suite carpet only a little bit, and for showing enough restraint not to detonate a nuclear device in the lobby of corporate headquarters, (last name of executive) will be paid enough money to feed Africa.

Dawn of a new day, a whole new ball game . . .

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. . .fill in your favorite cliche´ here.

I only watched about an hour and a half of television on January 20, 2009. Well, two and a half hours if you count the last half of the interestingly-timed presentation of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" on Turner Classic Movies. (I was in the room but only half watching as I have seen it at least twice before.)

The 90 minutes or so that I purposely viewed was the same 90 minutes an estimated four million people attended in person. You probably watched it too, either because you wanted to or because the only other thing on television was a rerun of "Judge Judy" on some unaffiliated local TV station.

History was made. History of such a nature that I don't even have to mention what it was, do I?

I've never been a tremendously optimistic person. I'm not especially gloomy, either. Seems to me most things even out over time and there's no sense in getting too high or too low about anything. But the coarsely woven tapestry of hopes and optimism that hung on my wall at the beginning of this young century was knocked slightly askew on that gloomy autumn day in 2000 when a one-vote Supreme Court majority handed George W. Bush the Oval Office. It was then violently cast on the floor on September 11, 2001. (Not Bush's fault, but it was on his watch.) From there it was pretty much relegated to doormat status as the remainder of the Bush administration unfolded. (Cheesy metaphor? Sure. But it's better than the toilet bowl analogy I sent to my wife in an e-mail yesterday.)

As far back as my very first post to this weblog, I swore to myself and my readers (both of you) that this would not be a political blog, and please don't rush to infer a political affiliation from the above paragraph. Both of the predominant political ideologies and parties seem to me to be deeply screwed up, each in their own unique way, and I pledge allegiance to neither. But suffice it to say that, as of yesterday, a President whose values ran counter to so many of my own has been supplanted by a President whose values run much more in parallel with them.

Our new President hit all the right notes in his inaugural address. We were promised yesterday that the face America shows to the world will no longer be that of a torturer, an invader and occupier, or a warrant-less wiretapper. We were offered hope that our economy can and will recover, but also had our expectations tempered, and were warned of hard times, hard work and hard choices ahead, probably for a long time to come. Conciliation and an "open hand" were offered to those abroad who, justly or unjustly, may have felt wronged by the past administration, yet known enemies were warned that any attempt to wreak destruction on our people and property will be met in kind.

Whether Barack Hussein Obama can live up to the promise evidenced by his obvious intelligence and thoughtful, inspired oratory is an open question. Whether the American People will give him the time and a fair chance to do so is another. He is already hemmed in on one side by his most ardent supporters who expect too much of him, and on the other side by hardcore McCain/Palin partisans who will pre-emptively condemn his every move as another step in a march toward socialism.

As an aside, I was very pleased he used his full middle name, "Hussein," and not just "H." in the swearing in. That should be a finger in the eye of those who sought to use his given name to pander to irrational fears of the unenlightened and xenophobic during the campaign.

In any case, all I can say at this time is that I no longer feel the urge, in my occasional correspondence with persons in Europe or elsewhere overseas, to tack onto the end of every e-mail, "By the way, I didn't vote for him."